General Relief Society Broadcast

I just got back from the General Relief Society Braodcast, and I am so glad that I went. It has been a rough couple of days at our house and I really needed the encouragement. Bevan has been gone a lot and I have been couped up in our little two bedroom apartment with two little boys who have alot of energy and not much space to burn it off in. Sometimes I feel badly that this is all I have to offer them at this point in time and wish that they could have a house with a yard or other somewhat basic things that most children seem to have. When we were first married and starting our family I don't think I realized what a struggle it might sometimes be, especially with Bevan still in school. I particularily didn't realize how long the schooling would stretch out in front of us and sometimes think was it fair of me to drag these poor children along with us for the ride? It's one thing for me to be alright with making these sacrifices but they are just babies and nobody asked them if they minded. Two weeks ago on a Saturday afternoon I took the boys to the mall to get out of the house while Bevan was at school studying for the day (it was raining and there was no where else I could think of to go), I had some spare change in my pocket and let Liam use it to ride on one of the coin operated cars. I sat there watching him ride and started getting weepy (which is very uncharachteristic for me to do) because that is the most I would be able to offer him and he deserved more. I know things could be much, much worse but now that Liam is getting older it is more difficult to see him starting to be able to recognize things that he doesn't have or can't do that other children can or do. Of course I am not big on spoiling children, I think kids do better to learn the value of work and be appreciative...but he has had to do without things that I guess I feel are inherent to childhood. For example after preschool when all the children have been picked up by thier parents they all go outside and play togethor for a while on the lawn in front of the parking lot. But because I have to work at the school for him to be able to attend he has to wait for me to clean up my class room before we can go outside. When we finally do get outside all the kids have already left and he gets very disappointed and asks, "Where did the guys go?". Of course he wouldn't be able to go at all if I weren't working but it breaks my heart for him to not be able to participate in something as simple as that.
Fortunately I know this is all temporary and that Bevan will be done school in a year and things will improve, but it still doesn't mean that dealing with all of this at the time isn't hard. So the messages in tonights broadcast really touched me, especially Pres. Hinckley's talk when he said that when we are old and dying it won't matter what a big house we lived in, the fancy car we drove or the expensive clothes we wore but that our children will be what matters to us and that we did everything we could to raise them right. So even though my poor boys may have to live in a little apartment and get shuttled around in a beat up Saturn I can still give them the things that will really matter. I can teach them the gospel, I can give them love and attention, I can teach them indepence and self reliance and a love of learning. Hopefully at some point we will be able to add some material advantages to that list, but we will be alright in the meantime.
It was also good to have reiterated that as sisters we don't have to be alone, we can reach out to other women at church and always rely on the Lord. Sis. Parkin stressed that as women we all need to feel the Lord's love for us as individuals every day, at this point in my life I especially know this to be true and it is something I need to be working toward. In the world's eyes I may not have much to recommend myself, but fortunately Heavenly Father loves me anyways, and just because I may not feel worthy or fall short does not mean that I should reject his love for me. In this day and age we all really have to know who we are as children of our Heavenly Father and understand our individual worth if we want to make it, I know that for sure.